last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
