I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
