He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
