You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
