I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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