i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i came on her dog
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
