Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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