if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
