i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
