Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
