Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
