Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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