Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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