he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
