and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
