it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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