paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
