He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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