: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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