I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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