I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
