in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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