forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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