I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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