Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
