I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
