We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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