i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
