if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
