I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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