So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
