to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
