plz talk dirty to me
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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