i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
