i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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