im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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