fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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