Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
