have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
