I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
