The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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