anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
