I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You need a sexual gate keeper
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
