Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I accidentally burped into my bong.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
