Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
