Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
