I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
