hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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