he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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