Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
