oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
it's like heaven, but drunker
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
