it hurts more in the daytime
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
