My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
