Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
