My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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