she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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