Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
